I’m called oblivious a lot. Like seriously, a lot. People tell me all the time, especially my squad. I don’t know how it happens, but it seems that I’m always missing out on something. Whether it be a joke everyone’s laughing at, a story that everyone seems to remember so well, etc. But I’ll just sit there and honestly I’m lost. I attempt to follow along and nod my head as best I can but eventually I have to ask, “Wait…what’s going on? What happened?”
And then comes all jokes, “Sam, where have you been? Have you been on this trip the past 6 months? Did you go to Granada? Sam, did you know we left America?” Things of that nature. And to be honest, it really doesn’t bother me too much. I don’t get offended by the jokes or the harmless teasing, I mostly just join in and teasingly say, “Wait…guys, I’m in Africa? This isn’t Chicago?!” But yesterday as I was getting toyed with again about my constant obliviousness, I had an epiphany.
My squad and I have been at Zehandi Missions for almost a month now. Since we’ve been here, it truthfully hasn’t been the smoothest transition. There’s been a lot of frustration and disappointment about “expectations” that not only my team but others also on my squad had about what Africa would look like.
We’ve dealt with a lot of miscommunication. Plain and simple. It seems as though a lot of times, we’ll be told what the schedule is supposed to look like for the day and by the end of the day nothing on that schedule was accomplished because it was changed, rearranged, and flipped three times over. Different people in authority over me tell me multiple different agendas in any given day and hour about what is supposed to be done, how it supposed to be done, and when. And that again, just brings in a whole other realm of confusion.
We’ve been desperately praying for more ministry opportunities, (and I please encourage all of you to continue praying for them), but sometimes it can be frustrating. It can be frustrating to not feel like what you’re doing is making a difference. It can be frustrating to feel like what you’re doing isn’t good enough or being done the right way. It can be frustrating to constantly feel like you have NO IDEA what is going on or to feel constantly in the dark about everything. I know, life can be…well frustrating. BUT there is a point to all of this.
God is still with me. Sometimes I just need to realign and focus.
I need to seriously step back from all the drama, all the frustration, all the constant miscommunication, and just look at the good. Look at the blessings that God has given me and remember that God knew I would be here. As much as I absolutely loved the Philippines and God blessed my team with so many amazing opportunities for ministry, that doesn’t mean that I’m not supposed to be in Africa.
God has a plan for me right now and it’s here. Its here in a place where right now I’m struggling with homesickness, a feeling that was foreign to me before. A place where I don’t feel that God is calling me to. A place where I want to be so passionately enthralled into communities and the people, but I’m not.
Right now, even though I can’t see what He’s doing, He’s doing something and it’s big. Even if, right now, all I can be is a vessel and a small seed in starting up the ministry of Zehandi, then I know that it is enough. That its more than enough.
I am able to be apart of something bigger than myself, something that will one day be a place for people to come and learn how to teach others the Word of God. A place where orphans can come and be loved on by the family of Christ when they’ve never known love before. A place where the surrounding community can learn how to harvest, plant, and sustain their own living with trees and crops and do more for their families and generations to come.
But most of all, a place where people see life happening and know that it can only come from God. Even if I get to be a small, microscopic piece in that puzzle, I know that God will have used me for the purpose he set out for me. And I know that there is nothing to be miscommunicated about that.
**Sorry for the lack of pictures in my recent blogs and on facebook, I haven't been able to use my camera as much here because of safety reasons and issues with my camera. But they WILL be coming soon!**
“Even if I get to be a small, microscopic piece in that puzzle, I know that God will have used me for the purpose he set out for me. And I know that there is nothing to be miscommunicated about that.” SO GOOD! I pray that God continues to reveal Himself to you every day and challenge you in new ways! Be ever so safe darling 🙂 You are so beautiful. Thanks for being so real in your blogs. Love you!
You have been placed there for great reason, yes, even if you don’t see it right now. Keep your head up. You are growing and God is right there prepping you for the future. I love you Sam!
Yes indeed Sam, our Lord has you right where you are meant to be. See, your tasks before were easy in a sense…being that children were there and were desperate for love and attention. Now, the Lord is going to stretch you, grow you, strengthen you through hardship and the unknown. To totally, fully and completely put your trust in Him. Sam, I think when you come thru this trial by fire (per se) you will be blessed more than ever before! How? We will just have to wait and see but I am so excited for you I can’t stand it! I pray for you ALWAYS and look forward with great anticipation to the Lord revealing his plan. Luv you!
Sam, I actually think this blog was more for you than anyone else. As I was reading, I could see how the Lord has reminded you of why you are in Malawi. Fight for your time in Malawi, and I really believe God will bless that.