Well, Here I am.

I can't believe that, as of today, its been almost a month since I've been home. In some ways, it feels like I just got here. Like it wash just a couple days ago that I was with my teammates and family I made of 22 other crazy people who decided to travel the world for Jesus in a year. In many other ways, this month has felt incredibly long. Like since I came home, it's almost as if I never left. So many things are the same, yet the way I see them is completely different.

 

And here I am. Back. Back in America. Back in the "real world". A place where I'm not constantly surrounded by believers or people who share my same beliefs. A culture that I grew up in that now, in some ways, seems so foreign to me. A place where I now feel both familiar and completely foreign to. 

 

In my last blog, I had said that I couldn't write the blog I wanted to because I couldn't properly explain how I was feeling or what it would be like to come home. Now that I've been home for awhile. I can tell you what its been like. 

 

Well, to be honest, the first couple days I was home, I didn't even leave the house. I stayed inside. I think part of me was scared to go out and actually be exposed to what the world held. But slowly, I started venturing out and going places. Mostly errands with my mom and even that, let me tell you, was overwhelming. I remember the third day I came home I went into Bed, Bath, & Beyond and I thought I was going to actually pass out. The day after that I babysat for the first time. As I was making dinner for the kids, the youngest one who is 7-years old said, "SAMMY! WHEN IS DINNER? I'M STARVING!" 

I immediately stopped what I was doing and walked into the living room, I said, "I know you're not starving. Dinner is almost ready. Be patient." He then looked at me with a smile and said, "No, really. I'm starving, I feel like I'm going to die!" 

 

How could I respond to this? I felt so upset and angry all at the same time. I wanted to just make him see that his words weren't just an expression. That they're are kids everywhere who are actually starving. Kids and children that I've held that live on the street and that haven't eaten in days. That starving is not going without eating for less than 3 hours. 

 

Things like this, are things since coming home that I've dealt with. But I don't want to give you the impression that it's all been bad and now I cant function in America. The transition has been getting easier and easier as time passes. But it is something that will take time. And I believe and hope that its actually something I never lose. 

I never want to lose the perspective I've gained. The memories of what I've seen and experienced in the 9 months I spent seeing the world and the people that God loves and fights for all over the world. Despite the broken families, poverty stricken communities, women facing lives of prostitution, children starving and high on the streets of Manilla, in light of all of this. I've seen God more in Nicaragua, the Philippines, and Malawi, Africa in many ways than I ever have in America. 

 

As I continue to transition into life back at home, I ask that you would continually pray for me and the rest of my squad who is going through this same transition. I ask that you would pray for perspective and  grace in a culture that we no longer feel we can 100% identify with. I ask that you would pray for our futures and that you would pray for our relationship with the Lord to stay as strong as ever and that we would see the amazing things that God has planned for all of us not only in this upcoming year, but in the futures He has laid out for us. 

 

Thank you to all of you who supported me through this incredibly long journey, both finanically and most especially through prayer. You have all been an immense blessing to me and I will forever thank you for caring deeply for me through your prayers and consistency to stay updated about my trip. 

 

"I do this all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in it's blessings." 1 Corinthians 9:23